Randomness

The things I'm thinking about lately and don't want to forget...

* My kids were so awful after school today. It only occurred to me right before dinner that we were all cold. I haven't had to turn on the heat this whole winter because it hasn't been that cold and whatever the neighbors underneath us were doing has kept us plenty warm. I told them they could both take a warm bath after dinner and they were actually excited about it (they haven't been happy to take baths lately for some reason). After that they went right to sleep. I think it's time to turn on the heat!

* BOTH kids wet the bed last night. I can't remember the last time something like that happened. My babes are growing up. Old enough now to strip their own sheets even and put them in the hamper themselves! Fabulous!

* Sienna tried ballet lessons for the first time today. Afterward she reported that she didn't like them. I was surprised to find myself pretty crushed. I worried I had ruined it for her forever. I didn't realize how much I'd been projecting myself onto her. I really do want her to love ballet as much as I did. But I think I have to back away and give it a year or two or maybe more. I started at age 9 and loved it immediately and never wavered the whole time I was in it. I'm finding more and more how hard it is to accept your children as they are and learn to help them along as an individual in life. She did have an odd response, though, when I finally did get something out of her as to why she didn't like it. "The floors were white and bare and the walls were white and bare and the ceiling was white and bare and there was just nothing in there. And I was cold." Soooo....she's comparing it to her gymnastics room which is full of color and equipment. And she was cold. Time to dress your kids appropriately, mom!

* I don't want to forget these three things from our England trip. 1. On our tour throughout Southwest England, there was a lady from Austin, Texas sitting across the aisle on the bus from me who threw up on the side of her chair from motion sickness. I felt terrible for her. She was a classy lady and I knew she must have been mortified. I had some tissues I gave her. It's the only time since my kids have been potty-proficient that I wished I had a whole tub of wipes and lots of little baggies. 2. We went to KFC in Bath. We'd been told by an American who lived in London that KFC was better in England than in America. I agreed and was so delighted to be chomping on a crunchy drum stick. A small taste of home, if you will. Then, Sienna started choking on her chicken nugget. It seemed really serious and I kept talking to her to see if she could answer. Adam said he thought he saw it come out of her mouth. But she kept choking so I went for it. I started doing the Heimlich maneuver on her. I thrusted once and she said, normal as could be, "Mom, you're hurting me." Adam was right, it had come up. We saw its remnant on the floor. I have never been so relieved!!!! 3. On our final day of travel, we had to wake up at 4:15 am, take a taxi to the bus station in Bath, get on a bus, ride for two hours, get off at Heathrow airport, wait 30 minutes, board another bus, ride two hours, get off at Gatwick airport. We had been really leaning hard into bus life there in Bath; we'd taken a bus from London to Bath, then been on a tour bus all day, and finally our trip back to Gatwick. So, when we had some time to chill at Gatwick, I was relieved to be able to stretch our legs and get something to eat. Turns out Gatwick is wonderland. I've never seen so many ritzy shops and food court options. We ate at Wagamama, a hip ramen shop which I'd been wanting to go to in London. And then afterward there was a kids play place nearby. Can I just tell whoever is in charge of building kids' play places in airports? KEEP. IT. UP. Kids don't belong in airports and airplanes, but the parents of the 21st century just do it. And it's not pleasant at all. So, when we happen upon a thoughtful space that has been designed to give kids and parents a much needed break? I just want to cry from thankfulness. The end.

* The ex-pat honeymoon is over. Coming back to Luxembourg from London was not what I wanted to do. I wanted to fly back to Seattle and so did my kids. In fact we all got confused a couple of times. We all had to remind ourselves that, yes, we were actually going to fly back to that weird country that nobody knows about and resume our lives like it's completely normal to live there. And here we are. I was in awe of all-things-European before. Now I'm just annoyed. Case in point: Adam and I went out to dinner on Saturday night. We tried two places but they were booked. We needed to make a reservation. We went to a third and it was closed. It's a dumb little annoyance, but all I could think was, "In Seattle, I could go out to eat whenever and wherever and when I got there I knew the food would be really good." So, we went to our favorite Indian place that is always empty and always plays the same song on a loop and always has amazing chicken tikka masala and naan. And we left happy. But next time I know I have to do that extra little thing I don't wanna do and is something you usually CAN'T do in America: make a reservation.

* I got my hair cut and colored today. Much overdue. I'll never enjoy the feeling of hair brushing my neck, but I am still enjoying long hair. I'll probably be doing the top knot long after it's okay. It's probably already not okay but I don't even care.

* Homework!!! WHY?! I had ignored Sienna's back pack during the whole Christmas break. The night before she went back to school, I faced the music. There was a freaking packet!!!!!!! Come on Europe! Where are your chill homework standards now?! And Sienna is the slowest homeworker evuh. She had one worksheet to do tonight after dinner. I explained it to her and left the room for five minutes. When I came back she had written one letter. One. Letter. Not one word. One. Letter. She hums and sings and gets lost in her own mind. And I just wish she didn't have to do homework. Because she's SIX.

K. Really need to go to bed. Bye.

The List!

I have a list! I have a list! I don't know why, but it feels so good to have a list of resolutions for 2016. Like I said, I'm pretty happy with life and I know there is a bright future in store this year; after all, we came to Luxembourg with the sole purpose to travel our faces off, which is one of my favorite things to do, so I don't have to make that goal.

And then we had this lesson in church. It was the Larry Lawrence talk from General Conference called What Lack I Yet? I was thinking, "Oh crap-attack, here it comes, the talk about asking God about what you lack and coming up with too many things to count and then you have to breathe into a paper bag because you can't handle the truth." Yes, there was that scripture about becoming perfect. That scripture makes me want to scream because it's always taken out of context. We can't be perfect in this life. Period.

So I scrolled down on my phone, reading the talk as the teacher went. Here's the paragraph that brought me back: "The Holy Ghost doesn't tell us to improve everything at once. If He did, we would become discouraged and give up. The Spirit works with us at our own speed, one step at a time, or as the Lord has taught, "line upon line, precept upon precept, ..."

Deep breath, Martha. Making resolutions is not that big of a deal. Make some and move on with your life and enjoy seeing the improvements that come your way from making an honest effort. That was my pep talk.

So, here are my 2016 resolutions!

1. Do 20 push-ups a day || Gym life is nil in Luxembourg. It is not my favorite part about this place. Gyms save my sanity, especially during the winter. So. I am doing the best I can with running. What I don't get, though, is weights. Twenty push-ups? If I don't do anything else, at least I will have done 20 push-ups.

2. Read one book a month || I finally figured out that I CAN use my Seattle Public Library eBooks here, so I've reserved a bunch and I'm excited! Few things excite me more than knowing I have a good book waiting for me.

3. Listen to one General Conference talk every Sunday || After GC every time, I think, "Oh, I'll go back and read/listen to the rest I didn't get to." Um. No. That never happens. But this time it might?

4. Learn French || NO BIGGIE.

5. Say no to stripes || I counted yesterday. I have seven striped shirts and one striped dress. I wouldn't be surprised if there were more lurking in my closet that I refused to locate. I'd just like to use this self-examination check point to encourage myself to branch out when I go shopping. I bought a sweater that makes me look like Lloyd Christmas on Dumb and Dumber and it's SO not my color (red), but I wore it all day and it made me happy. I can branch out. I can.

6. Have my home featured on Design Mom's Living With Kids series || I have some good ideas for decorating my house and I just want to get it done. The only way I'll do it is if I know pictures will be taken and shown to the world.

7. Check Instagram only two times a day || I've set this goal a few times and when I stick to it I am so much happier. Instagram can really distort my world view. But if I check it mindfully, I can be happy for the things people are showing instead of wondering if I should be doing that or eating that or thinking that or living that.

That's it!

What are yours?

New Year's Day Funk

I had made it seem too hard to go outside.

I'd finished my run, Adam was on his bike ride. It was 11 am and time for the kids to go outside.

"I'll take you to the airplane park!" I said.

"Noooooo. There's too much sand there!" Noah whined.

"I'll take you to the pirate park." I said.

"No." said Noah.

"I'll take you to the castle park or the trampoline park with that zip line or you can play outside at our playground." I said.

"No! It's toooooooo coooooooold!" said Noah.

"It's not too cold and once you get moving you won't be cold at all." I said. Noah, of all people, knows this. His coat is off within minutes of playing outside no matter how cold it is and sometimes he forgoes a shirt underneath at all. He is always hot.

"Well," steeling myself, knowing I'm about to say something that I won't want to stick to but must, "you can't have any screen time until you go outside."

Whines, groans, and anger. I don't know where Sienna is in all of this. But Noah is steeling himself, too. Against the mandate to go.the hell.outside.

I make pancakes. This keeps them happy for awhile. A couple hours and some light cleaning later, we do lunch. I serve leftover mac & cheese and smoothies, one strawberry, one mango. I have no energy to make the other one have strawberry or the other one have mango. This is unwise parenting. And I do not care.

With lunch secured, I know we have a long afternoon still ahead. Can I do it? Can I stick to my guns and make them go outside? This is about the time we start quiet time, aka screen time. But I don't want to give in. They, too, don't want to budge. Pajamas and bed head still intact, they seem duel ready.

I hole up in my room, reading my book. The kids seem to do better, over all, when I remove myself. I realized this yesterday when I was holed up in my room. They bicker and fight still, but they get into their playing groove better, too.

I want to finish my book today. Living the Secular Life by Phil Zuckerman. It's an uncomfortable read but it feels important to me. I want to know how people without religion navigate their lives. It is fascinating. And I'm almost done. Next up: Going Clear by Lawrence Wright, about Scientology. A friend told me it was a juicy read. I need that right now.

Adam's back and has joined me in our room, ready also to live the holed-up-life-with-a-book. I turned on Lion King soundtrack in the living room a couple hours ago and the kids are still happy with it. However they start banging on the piano, and I am too lazy to go stop them. Hoping to distract them, I quietly switch it to The Little Mermaid. Noah storms into my room.

"Why did you change the music?!" he demands.

I try to explain but nothing helps. It's getting closer to our moment of reckoning.

Adam has put down his book, pulled his blanket half over his head and burrowed down to nap mode.

"Oh no. I'm losing you. Don't leave me. I can't do this on my own." I tell him, my hand on his arm.

"Zzzzzzz," he acknowledges.

This is the moment. This is the time when heroes are made and cowards are beaten. Can I do it?

"Alright kids. Time to go outside." I said. Then, without wanting to even one tiny shred, I said, "I'll go with you." Since they'd pooh-poohed all the fancy parks that required driving, I was ready to make them go alone to our really tiny, boring next door playground. But I knew they just wouldn't. It's been dusk-level gloomy all day with no chance of brightening. I just knew they couldn't pull it together without a physical presence to guide them to completion.

"Okay, Noah, here are your clothes." I don't know how my body is doing this. I don't want to do this at all.

"Here's your stuff, Sienna." She comes over to examine it.

"But you didn't get me a shirt!" she complains.

"You can get your own dang shirt, I am not your slave." I said. But I am. I am right now, I'm doing everything for them right now, and I hate it.

I help floppy-body-Noah into his clothes. He looooooooves pretending he does not have any idea how to move his own body. I think sometimes it is his favorite past time.

Sienna does get her own dang shirt and it's a raggety thing. It's basically like she didn't change out of her pajamas after all. I force myself not to care. I manage to do their hair. This is truly a feat. Clothes on AND hair done? I am moving mountains today.

Last night when I went to bed, I knew I didn't have a plan for today. We'd had a jam-packed Christmas week and since then had enjoyed some days at home. I'd worn them out at the pool yesterday. But I knew today we'd all be restless. Nothing open, everyone in town nursing hangovers. We'd fallen asleep to the sound of fireworks at 11 pm. We were awakened by the sound of even more fireworks at midnight. I stomped out to the balcony behind Adam to see what our neighbors were doing. They were shooting off the real kind, the good ones that burst all the way up in the sky. Even our elderly neighbors were dressed up fancy, with guests over, enjoying the fireworks on their balcony. Sienna woke up crying because she thought she heard gun shots.

I really do not care for New Year's Eve.

So what to do with the next day, really? I always remember it being kind of a ho-hum day. People make bean soup and resolve to turn over a new leaf. I like a good list of goals myself, but this year I can't come up with much. I'm really happy with my place in this universe. I'm content and that feels good. My only real goal is to learn French. I don't want to but I need to. The rest of my life? I'm happy to have it stay the same.

Anyway, the kids and I push out the unnecessarily heavy front doors of our apartment complex. I've brought sidewalk chalk and a ball for kicking. Sienna and I get to it right away on the courtyard, kicking the ball back and forth. Noah huffs in front of the doorway.

"See?! It IS too cold outside!" he said. I am worried he won't ever be broken of this funk today, but I try to push that thought out of my mind. A child in a stubborn funk punishes the whole family mercilessly. If all else fails, I can usually tickle him. But with me in a funk, I am in no mood to tickle. Mom in a funk is much worse than child in a funk!

A few minutes later, he emerges with a cunning smile, coming to make our twosome into a triangle. We kick the ball for awhile and they get better at it with my coaching. Adam waves from his bedroom window, still in his bathrobe. I wave and do not smile.

I try not to check my watch; I just need to be happy that we made it outside at all. We manage to stay out 30 minutes. Better than nothing, I have to concede.

Back inside, the kids are ready for their screens. We are happy to oblige. We can all do what we want to do for awhile, which is hole up and space out.

"I did it," I tell Adam as I come back into our room to veg. He nods, still reading his book, but I know he's proud of me. He couldn't do it himself.

Going outside was just too hard.