Be Martha

I just finished the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Have you read it? I didn't really love it. I couldn't relate to the author. I don't think we'd be friends in real life. She seems a bit stale. But one thing I will take with me is a mantra she kept repeating to herself throughout her challenge, which was to simply "Be Gretchen." It was surprising what she came to accept when she just acknowledged that she was Gretchen and nobody else and there was nothing she could do to escape some basic truths that came with her DNA. Be Gretchen. It sounds so incredibly simple, but it's not. In the book, Gretchen discovered that she wished she were someone who wanted to listen to classical music in her spare time, but the real Gretchen actually liked pop music. I can relate to that (see a few posts back)! She recounted a story of going clothes shopping and choosing seven (or was it nine?) white shirts, all the same, all exactly what she liked to wear everyday. Her shopping-savvy mother encouraged her to branch out, try some color! She almost did, she wanted to try the color, but she knew - she just knew! -  that "Be Gretchen" meant that if she bought something else, she wouldn't wear it. White long-sleeved t-shirts are the uniform for Gretchen and she knows it! And I totally know what that feels like. To want to do the exciting, interesting, more good looking thing, but to know that Being Martha might mean something more boring, more mainstream, more safe, more predictable.

So, now I am on an unofficial and not very serious mission to map out my next series of life choices according to the advice to "Be Martha."

I've been ruminating on what is next for me and I came up with four ideas, some I've been thinking about for awhile, and some (one), I've just come up with. Let's start with that odd one...

Become a Midwife - My friend's sister is training to be a midwife right now, and she mentioned it the other day, so it got me thinking....what if my next chapter was midwifery school? I am passionate about natural birth, I can get very obsessed about it in fact. When I was preparing for and having my own two births, I thought that becoming a doula or midwife would be so rewarding. Teaching and coaching other women during a very important, special, exciting time in their lives? What could be more satisfying and rewarding than that? But, there's the bodily fluids. I don't want to reach up into someone's nether regions all the time. The smells. Things going wrong, like really wrong. The hysterical females? Would I have to become a nurse? I've never wanted to be a nurse! Plus, I've actually never even interacted with a midwife. I had hospital births because of high-risk pregnancies, so I never even had an option to have a midwife or a doula. I feel like the bodily fluids and blood alone could stop me from taking this option. Oh! We haven't even mentioned the weird hours, including middle of the nights. I am not good in the middle of the night.

Going back to PR - This is the safe option. I really enjoyed my short time in PR, but could it be that way again? I feel like finding the perfect boss and co-worker situation that I had in Southern California is just....not gonna happen. Plus, am I THAT passionate about PR? I liked it. I thought it was interesting. It was fun to interact with clients and learn about all sorts of different businesses, and meet all sorts of people and extra cool that they were local, so it felt like I was helping people in my community. Events were always fun, but truly, if I'm "Being Martha," I'm really not one for fancy nighttime events. I kind of always wished I was home in my sweats watching TV. Yep. Be Martha. Not the gal about town that I wish I was. Sorry. I also hate journalist rejection. Oh, the rejection. It's not fun. But all things considered, it's a pretty great job, and more things about it interest me than not.

Interior Design - Going back to school...paying for that school...could I even get into school?...entering a whole new field....having to be creative all the time....making something from nothing....an idea that feels like my passion, but is it really....Martha? Some say I wouldn't have to go back to school to become a designer. Bloggers are self-taught, why couldn't I be? I'd really like to work for a company, like a design firm or architecture firm, and then maybe do something on my own, so I really want to know EVERYTHING interior design related and I couldn't teach that to myself. It'd be awesome to do residential, but is there any money in that? Yeah, if I go to all this trouble, I'd like there to be more money in it than there was in PR. That is the truth. And honestly, the biggest "Be Martha" thing here that I keep coming back to is this question, "Am I really that creative?" The answer is....not really. I'm pretty left-brained, I think much more left-brained than right-brained. It is sad when I conclude this. I really would love to be more naturally creative in lots of different ways, but I'm that person who copies creativity a lot. I fear that anything I would do design-wise would be formulaic and unoriginal. Man it sucks to admit that, but it feels good at the same time. When I think about all of the hang ups on this one, it becomes pretty clear that this is just a hobby and not a career pursuit. But what about that dumb idea (which the author of The Happiness Project subscribed to, which took her from lawyer to writer) about the fact that your life's work should be what you love to do, the thing you do in your spare time that you can't get enough of.... What about that frustrating advice? I never know what to make of it. Do you?

Mom to more kids... I'm finally loving the mom thing. Yeah, you heard me, love! I couldn't say that a couple years ago, or even one year ago. My kids are in THE BEST stages and I don't ever want anything to change. Which brings on that dangerous feeling of ... let's do this again! Oh the confusion of the child-bearing years. One minute feels like hell, the next minute transports you to heaven. Or as Jim Gaffigan says, it's like fighting in the Vietnam war and dining in Paris all on the same day. It is so freaking frustrating and then so freaking amazing. It is the life endeavor with the most sacrifice and the most reward. It is just the nature of the beast. On the one hand I love, love, love, love having two kids, it feels really perfect for us in so many ways. On the other hand, what if someday in my 50s I wake up and realize I should have sucked it up for a couple more years and had one or two more. Because there is nothing, nothing, nothing more insanely amazing than meeting a human you made who then turns into an adult who (hopefully) blesses society and the world. Gosh dang it, nothing. Flip.

Fill in the blank -- Or there's the wild card....that destiny of mine that I haven't even thought of...which might actually be the option that happens just because it's so pleasantly undefined ... and so...Martha-right-now. Not the Martha of the past or the future, but the Martha-right-now. That one that looks like this: volunteer here, volunteer there, work a weird, low-paying part-time job from home, or not....all so I can be a full-time mom (which, did you see? I really love it!) This is the one that sadly suits me really well (Be Martha, wah wah). I love having time, you see. Time to read, time to pursue hobbies, time to watch TV at night, time to cook, time to sleep (my kids sleep like rock stars now! which means I sleep like a rock star now! we be rocking the sleep!) time to make play dough, time to stroll along park paths while my kids scoot along park paths, then fall off the scooter, then make me carry the scooter, then drag the scooter, then we leave the scooter behind, and opt for the skip (Noah said today for the first time, "Look, mom, I'm skipping," and it was really a gallop, but shhhh, don't tell him). It's a good time in my life right now and I'm not going to rock the boat. But what about my Be Martha destiny? What is next for the Marthinator? Tell me! Someone...

My Parents

My parents are headed to Australia next week to serve an 18 month mission. In February they went on a road trip to see their kids one last time before the farewell. When they came to see us in Seattle, it was free museum Thursday, so we took advantage of that and took the kids to see the Burke Museum on UW campus as well as the Museum of Flight. 

 Then to Din Tai Fung, a much-raved about Taiwanese dumpling house. Yum-town.

 The kids loved it, too.

 Adam watched the kids while the parents and I went to the Chihuly museum. That was pretty radical.

 Mom read to the kids and gave them one of those cool dolls that flips back and forth between the characters in the book (Red Riding Hood, Big Bad Wolf, Grandma all in one doll).

For my parents' farewell, I flew alone (!!!!) to Utah. It was awesome. Beautiful spring weather to boot!

 Lots of friends and family turned out for the event. It was soooooo fun to catch up with everyone.

I took a lot of selfies, because what else do you do when you don't have children to take care of all weekend? Here's Mimsy. 

 My long lost friend, Tyra, plus Mark photo-bombing us back there.

 You remember Heather?

 And McKenna plus three photo bombers who think they are soooooooooo funny.

 O-bomb.com.

 Mim, the former missionary, giving Mom, the future missionary, advice.

 Mim, Heather, Mom, Eirene and me, doing our thang thang.

 The groovy foursome back together again. It was so fun to talk with them all day. We could have talked approximately 2,463 more hours.

 My last shot with these two crazy kids. Good luck, mom and dad. We will miss you A LOT!